What it means to be a sex positive woman | Dating

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Hmmmm sex positive woman? I hear you cry. What does that mean? Quite simply, it means women who enjoy sex, which if you think about it is perfectly natural.

For too long, it’s been an activity that is reserved for men. A woman has sex with multiple partners and she is a slut. A man does the same and is patted on the back. Well, I say no to double standards. There is no shame in enjoying sex, woman or not.

Whether your sex life could be considered vanilla by some, or you’re a femdom (female dominant) with active subs, there is no need to feel shame.

After the release of the 50 Shades of Grey books, and the films, dating sites were flooded with ‘doms’ and women who wanted to experiment as per the books. But regardless of wether you are a Mistress or a sub, there are some very simple rules for woman (and men) to take into consideration when they are engaging with sex.

Safety and trust for sex positive woman (and men)

If you’re keen to live out your fantasies, regardless of what they are, it’s extremely important that you feel and are safe. You need to trust your sexual partner.

You may want to try being tied up, or handcuffed, and while this can heighten your sexual pleasure, it can also leave you very vulnerable in the hands of the wrong person.

Setting boundaries

Being a sex positive woman, Dom, Sub or just shy, it’s very important to talk to your partner. Discuss what you want to try, and define clear boundaries. It doesn’t have to be just sex acts, this can also include sex talk. Like I don’t mind if you call me a ‘dirty bitch’ but I don’t like the term ‘slut’.

Or more specific, like I’m open to light anal play, but not ready for anal penetration.

Safe words

I think most people have heard this phrase – a safe word is a pre-chosen word that is agreed with your partner(s). It lets them know that things may have become to intense – maybe they’ve been a bit firmer than you like when they spank you, or they are starting to do something out of your comfort zone.

It means that sex play needs to stop until you have checked in with each other. You can start again when you are both happy and comfortable to continue.

Safe words are used instead of phrases like stop, or ouch in role play situation.


I’d like to think that this is a pretty obvious concept, but sadly we know that it isn’t. And ladies, this isn’t a one way street – both parties should enthusiastically consent to all activities before you start. And everyone can withdraw consent at anytime. Just incase you aren’t aware of the rules of consent, this tea video makes it as clear as possible.

If you are meeting someone purely for sex, make sure that you let someone know where/what and who you are doing, for your own safety.

Are you new to the concept of BDSM, Doms and Femdoms? Maybe, you want to go from vanilla to light kink, or are looking to explore more of your sexual fantasies. Either way, I highly recommend that you do your own research and explore the various kinks out there, before you dip your toe in.

Happy orgasms!

Love Lilla xx

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