Starting to date again can be daunting. When I started I’d lost a lot of confidence and self esteem in the prior years, but in many ways dating helped me feel empowered and confident again. Here are my tips on using dating to feel empowered and confident again.
Involve your friends
No one is more critical of you than you are. So don’t spend hours taking photos or scrolling through your camera roll obsessing over your flaws. When you see a photo of yourself you will notice things that no-one else does.
Get your friends to choose or take your photos for you. It might surprise you what they choose and how they perceive you. Listen to the nice things they say about you, take on board the compliments. You trust them, so you should believe them when they compliment you. Good friends lift each other up.
Boost your confidence and take charge
Boosting your confidence isn’t just about how you feel about the way you look. How you assert yourself and how you allow other people to treat you also matters and can be very empowering. For one, stop talking to anyone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, you don’t owe them anything, let alone time that they use to abuse you or put you down.
Another tips is two learn how to identify toxic behaviour. Are they giving you back handed compliments? Like “you’re pretty for a xxxxx girl”, the answer is you are pretty FULL STOP, no caveat. This is a tactic to make you want to seek their approval – you don’t need it.
If you’re already assertive or dominant, and open to a more sex based dating experience why not explore Subsanddoms to see if empowering yourself as a femdom is something that you’re interested in.
Whether you are on a hook up site like mybdsmhookups, or a more mainstream dating app, it’s important to set boundaries. This could be anything from rules of engagement on app – i.e. are you going to entertain men that only want to talk sex or did you want to talk to people who actually want to get to know you as a person.
This helps boost your confidence because it allows you to feel more comfortable when talking to possible suitors.
No is a full sentence
Even when you make your intentions and boundaries clear some people will always test the limits. You don’t have to entertain that, and you don’t have owe them an explanation if you want to stop contact, or leave a date or decide not to see someone again. “No” is a full sentence, so don’t worry about upsetting people if they make you uncomfortable.
However, if you find yourself in a situation where you are afraid to say no then there are a few simple ways to get yourself out of there. I personally only meet men that I haven’t met before in public the first time to judge a vibe. Most bars operate an ‘ask for Angela’ or similar policy, whereby you approach the bar and ask for Angela, and they will help you get out of that space without your date knowing.
As well as looking out for your safety, please make sure you bare in mind the health implications too – stick to the current covid guidelines, and if you do take part in intercourse make sure that you practice safe sex.
If you’re new to dating, read my post on being a sex positive woman. I found that reading about and talking to woman who owned their sexuality rather than allowing others to shame you over it really helps to boost your confidence.
What are your tips? Leave them in the comments below!Love Lilla xx